Response to Tiffany's- wk6

I read your eureka moment a couple of nights ago and have been thinking a lot about what you were saying about your boss. I work in a school and the our head of schools is a female. She had all the assistants met with her this afternoon to discuss next year and her higher then tho attitude was really grinding at me. You did not have a positive thing to say and was almost enjoying her authority over having us come back next year. As I take more gender classes, I am starting to think that maybe it is not equality we are after, but power and control. I cannot believe how she can make almost everyone in the building uncomfortable just with her presence. This is my first year at this school and since I am finishing my degree with this lovely class, I am hoping to find a job before September, so I do not have to go back there.

June 25, 2009 4:37 PM

Response to Taryn-wk 6

I have to say when I saw Patrick Swayze cry on a Barbara Walters special a few years back, my crush on him grew stronger. He was talking about losing his father and teared up. I believe when a man cry's, he shows he is capable of opening up with his emotions and that he can go against the norm, but showing that it is alright to cry. I know my brother was very upset when his cat dies a couple of months ago. This surprised my father, who thought my brother was stronger then that. Showing emotions really does not play into strength and as long as they are not cry babies, I have no problem with seeing men cry. It actually makes me respect them more.
As for women sportscasters, I agree with Robin that as long as they are knowledgeable, they have as much right as men. Dana Pennett-O'Niel is a sportscaster for Philadelphia Daily News and does a really good job. She went to my daughter's high school and came into school one day to speak with my daughter's class. My daughter was so excited when she came home from school and thought that Dana had the coolest job. Every time I see her on the program I wish those opportunities were available in my day.

June 24, 2009 7:41 PM

eureka-wk 6

As I have stated before, I work in a restaurant part time. I stopped in there to get food (to go) last week and as I was walking down the street to go into the restaurant, two elderly gentlemen were walking out. I know both of them, so naturally I said hello. As I continued on my way I was thinking how nice it was to see them out together for something to eat. I have seen both of them in the restaurant before, but usually always with a female along side of them. This past weekend I saw them together again and this evening as I was walking my dog I ran into two other elderly gentlemen out walking together. Since I live in a small town and know a lot of the people here, I did not look at these situations and wonder if they were gay. I looked upon these situations as men who are looking for a companion to spend time with. I also have a male friend who goes out to dinner with a friend of his every Tuesday night. As I continued on my walk this evening, of course I thought about this class. Times are changing and it has been nice to see that men seem to be more comfortable in the presence of their own gender. I know women would not hesitate to call a friend to grab some dinner or take a walk, so why not men.

Response to Nicole-wk 5

Nicole,
I work in a restaurant and a similar thing happened when one of our customers got charged extra because he wanted a special pasta in place of the one that came with his chicken dish. The owners found out that he went on the chamber of commerce website for our area and badmouthed the restaurant. My take on this is these people must look like idiots to whoever reads their rants. I know in my area you cannot walk into a restaurant and ask for a cup of water without being charged. After all, these business need to work on a profit or they would not be worth operating. In your case, this customer was using their internet service, so it was actually costing them money to have her there. In addition, she is taking up seating with should be used for paying customers. If I were in her shoes, I would be embarrassed to let this story out. I know in our case, the customer came back into the restaurant a week later to apologize.

June 18, 2009 7:44 PM

Response to Teandra-wk 5

I also agree with Nick that fathers are discriminated against on this issue. Your brother should decide what it is he wants in the way of visitation. I do not think joint custody would be allowed, since they are not married, but you did state that she is not working. My ex-husband use to pay child support faithfully, but his ex-wife would lie and state she was not getting it on time. In addition, we would get the checks back with little drawings on them. We finally decided to go through probation to get her off our back. Your brother would probably be better off doing it through the courts, so as to avoid any of this.

June 18, 2009 3:26 PM

Response to Taryn-wk 5

shaferj said...

I did not touch on this issue in my post, but while researching I found out that the father has no rights or decisions on whether the mother gets an abortion or not. This is another issue that is unfair for men, because they are not even entitled to the child if the mother should decide to put it up for adoption, since most courts are reluctant to offer custody to the father. But, if the mother should decide to keep it, the father is then responsible for paying child support. This is unfortunate, since it does take two to make a baby, but is seems thatg once it is conceived all decisions fall on just one. As we study gender, we must bear in mind that males are being treated unfairly and this is one area where it can be seen.

June 17, 2009 8:13 PM

Response to Robin-wk 5

We can take all the workshops in the world, but I believe it depends on the population of students you work with and what their pre-conceived thoughts are regarding gender. I had a similar situation at Christmas, when we made up bags for our 6th graders. I noticed that the bags were definately separated by boys or girls. I had nothing to do with the bags, but I did bring in all these beanie bags I have collected and gave one to each of the students. As I was putting them into the bags, I found myself being selective on what stuffed animals I put in the boys bags. This was mainly because of the bullying and teasing I have witnessed if something is to "girlie". Bullying is suppose to be zero tolerence, but it does happen within our school. So my thoughts are that you know your students and gear the books towards their interests. I do not know what grade you were making the bags for, but do now that there are many boys in my grade who would feel embarressed if they received a book about a girl and would probably feel the wrath of the other boys within the classroom.

June 15, 2009 6:24 PM

week 5 eureka

I also work in a K-8 charter school. Last Wednesday we had field day and we had a softball game with the 6th and 7th graders. I listened to one male student making sexist comments to some of the other boys playing. For instance, he stated to another male, "you throw like a girl". I confronted him on this comment and he looked at me as if I had two heads. As the game got going, another male got up to bat and bunted the ball. This other student was playing the outfield and he hollered in to him "why are you hitting like a girl?". I again confronted him on this comment and the non verbal he gave to me said, "why are you targeting me?". Since I was also playing in the outfield, I went over to him and started explaining how his comments could be considered sexist. He then looked at me with this blank stare, as if I was from another planet.
This reminded me of growing up as a tomboy and constantly hearing how I was pretty good "for a girl". Why couldn't I just have been pretty good. After listening to this boy on Friday and also how no one else seemed to be bothered by his comments, it seems as if not much has changed between stereotyping gender. It is unfortunate that most of the girls I deal with are not very active in sports.
After softball, we moved into the gym for a game of volleyball. This happens to be a sport I participate in with a group of women on a weekly basis and feel I am pretty good at (although I play old school). I, of course, played with the students and when it came to me, I would set up the front line. I believe if I would have messed up; comments would have been made about my gender. Since this did not happen, NO comments were made. Unfortunately, the student making the comments outside was not able to witness this.

Response to Robin- wk 4

I can see why this would be policy, even though it does not make it right. A man is just as capable and I know my brothers always changed diapers when their kids were younger. But in our society, this could cause problems. For instance, say some wacko parent accuses this male of doing something inappropriate? This could cause some liability problems. Not that a woman is not capable of this same behavior, but as a society, these are not behaviors associated with women. We are the caregivers and I would have to agree with Kesha, that I would probably be uncomfortable if I knew a male was changing my litte girls diapers.
I also want to state that I had a student in one of the alternative schools I worked at, thrown out of district because some girl accused him of making sexual remarks about her. This proved to be untrue and he ended up getting placed back in district. So I believe this policy at the daycare was probably in place for liability reasons, or at least I would hope so.

June 11, 2009 8:08 PM

Response to Nick- wk 4

I have worked in three different school settings. Two of which were alternative school,run by male principals, and the one I am at now is a charter school with a female principal. Most of the students that I come in contact with are from the inner city of Trenton. What I have discovered is this population is very emotionally challenging. Considering females are stereotyped as caring, I find it ironic that the schools run by males seemed to be more in touch with staff and often recognized how emotionally exhausting our jobs were. On several occasions when the kids had half days, the staff was allowed to leave after the kids were gone. The principals would inform us of a job well done and to take the time to rejuvenate.
I am finishing my first year at this charter school and not once have I heard anything positive about our performance. This has proven to be the hardest job I have had as an assistant and have been made to stay on half days, only to kill time. I believe that our principal understands how stressful our jobs are, but enjoys the control she has over us and when reading your blog it brought to mind how I have witnessed this control issue in other jobs when it came to women.

June 11, 2009 2:07 PM

eureka week 4

Last year I had the pleasure of working with a young women in my classroom. I was the assistant for her and I called us the mother/daughter team. She had graduated the year before and this was her first year teaching. Although she went to school and got her degree, her plans were to get married and raise a family. She was uncomfortable talking about this, as if this was wrong. Her fiance has a job which can support this and I thought it was great. My problem with all this gender stuff is that children seem to get lost in it. It is as if making the choice of being a stay at home mom is a bad thing. Being able to raise my child has been the most rewarding job I have ever had. Unfortunately, school was not stressed to me when I was younger, so I think it is great that she at least has a degree in case something should happen in her future and she finds herself back in the workforce.

Response to Teandra- wk 3

I feel this was cheating, especially if he was married. Blaming it on being drunk only rationalizes his actions. I would have been uncomfortable in this conversation and wondering what his intentions were? Why tell you? Maybe it was to get your feelings on sleeping with a married man. I ended a job last year where one of the male employees felt the need to sleep with anyone who would allow it. He even made me feel uncomfortable, always making comments and even spoke out on one occasion about his interest in me. I stated he was married and he replied with "so what, if my values were not the same as yours it should not matter". My respond was that "I was a God fearing woman" and got away from the situation. What bothers me was some of the women he was sleeping with were married as well. What has happened to old fashion values. Like someone stated that now they do not consider it sex without penetration, which I do not agree. I did like the comment about lipstick though.

June 4, 2009 8:18 PM

Response to Robins eureka-wk 3

You mentioned your son wanted a doll and it brought to mind my nephew when he was younger. My brother and sister-in-law went around about this for quite awhile. My brother though he would grow up "gay" and his wife did not see anything wrong with him expressing himself. My nephew ended up with the doll. As his boys were getting older his wife was constantly at my brother about hiding his Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. His response to this was if he had to hide his magazine, then she had to hide her Victoria Secret catalogs. It's funny, but he was right, considering they are as revealing, if not more so.

June 4, 2009 7:46 PM

Eureka week 3

I took my daughter to the doctor's office the other day. I was sitting in the waiting area with her and this gentlemen walked in with his little boy. I was watching him with his child and thought to myself that his speech and body language could suggest that he was a homosexual. When my daughter went back with the nurses, I struck up a conversation with him. He informed me that he had adopted this child from Guatemala. He did have a wedding band on, and I STILL had the thoughts of him in a relationship with a male. This is not uncommon and since I have grown up around this lifestyle, I assumed he was gay. As the conversation went on he mentioned his wife. Boy, did I feel stupid. But it just bears in mind how socially constructed my views on gender are. I know it opened my eyes to my own stereotyping of others and will bear this experience in mind if I should find myself in a similar situation.

response to Robins blog

Joan said...

I think it is better if you live with a person first. I know from my previous marriage I was more concerned with upsetting my mother instead of living with him and found myself getting married, yet again, way to soon. I really wanted to make this work, but discovered his ego boundaries did not extend much further then his shoes. So, I am now divorced because I was more concerned with pleasing other people (which tends to be a female trait) and am starting a new life at the age of 50.

May 30, 2009 10:18 AM

Eureka moment

I have been so busy with another class, blackboard, reading for this class, and dealing with some personal issues that I have not had time to consider an eureka moment. Gender brings to mind, however, that sometimes being treated differently is not so bad. For instance, a couple of weeks ago I went into a convenience store to get 6, 1/2 gallon drinks for a classroom party we were having that afternoon. I came to the counter carrying all 6 containers and both cashiers were waiting on two other gentlemen. They turned around and saw me and one man quickly moved his things out of the way so I could put some of my drinks down as the other approached me and took a couple containers off me and placed them on the counter for me. As I was leaving they opened the door for me and even asked if I needed any help. I do not think they would have done this if a were another male.