Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Eureka week 3
I took my daughter to the doctor's office the other day. I was sitting in the waiting area with her and this gentlemen walked in with his little boy. I was watching him with his child and thought to myself that his speech and body language could suggest that he was a homosexual. When my daughter went back with the nurses, I struck up a conversation with him. He informed me that he had adopted this child from Guatemala. He did have a wedding band on, and I STILL had the thoughts of him in a relationship with a male. This is not uncommon and since I have grown up around this lifestyle, I assumed he was gay. As the conversation went on he mentioned his wife. Boy, did I feel stupid. But it just bears in mind how socially constructed my views on gender are. I know it opened my eyes to my own stereotyping of others and will bear this experience in mind if I should find myself in a similar situation.
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Joan,
ReplyDeleteHow funny you should say that. Just last night i was watching "Platnum Weddings" a show on TV where rich couples have this extravagant wedding and it mentions how much each luxury costs etc. Many times, the couples on the show have wedding planners, who are typically women or gay men. During the episode, ( i tuned in towards the end ) they were showing the wedding while there was a male voice describing aspects of the wedding night, not showing his face. I assumed it was one of the homosexual wedding planners: he was talking with a "feminine" tone, and mentioning styling qualities rather than the typical moments it would be expected for a guy to notice. Once it showed who was speaking - IT WAS THE HUSBAND! I was so shocked. So, like you, I fell hard at the stereotype, with just the sound of a voice! Not even a look or manerisms like you.
-Taran
Joan and Taran,
ReplyDeleteI hope you will not be mad at me after you read my post. I am not trying to offend you but this is what I think.
The thing that bothers me a lot is when people judge on others from the way they act, dress, or talk. Also many people do that when they see foreign people acting in a weird way. They never think that the strange way they see might be normal for the people who’s doing it because they are from different countries and they have different culture and different backgrounds. But they have to judge them on the way they see it only.
This start to bother me more when I heard a person telling his friend that he thinks my friend and I are lesbian because we were walking and holding hands. At that time believe, it was my first year in US, and I didn’t know what does the word lesbian means. But now every time I remember it I say “I wish I can meet that person to tell his that he shouldn’t judge people from the way they are acting”.
In my country it is normal for two girls to walk and hold hands, they see it as a sign for a strong friendship. But in here it is something not good and from that time I never hold any of my friends’ hands.
I actually do the same thing in waiting rooms and other places where looking around at people as all one can do to pass the time. I always find it interesting looking at those different people (and trying hard not to stare!) and maybe imagining what their life is like or what kind of person they are. In this case, it is simply curiosity and imagination, not prejudice or judging, I think. I do not think myself any better than the other people, it is just to pass the time. Anyway, I firmly believe finding that human interest in other individuals makes one appreciate humanity more. Like waiting in traffic, you tend to look around in the other cars and wonder where those people are going and what not, and you find a connection there, no matter how minute. All of those general musings do pertain to a superficiality of appearance, and definitely gender first, I think. And so finally to my point, gender is always the first and foremost barrier of superficial assessment and subsequently, that will always be a primary connection to how we see that individual based on our own views and culture. Yes, you can be completely open-minded and acculturated to other people regardless of creed, color, sexual orientation, etc. However, I think it is within our subconscious to examine one's gender and associate something, anything, or everything based on that gender given how and where you grew up. In that particular case, I think males and female both innately exhibit some degree of prejudice.
ReplyDeleteJoan --
ReplyDeleteYou can't blame yourself -- everyone at one time or another gets preconceived feelings about a person. It might be an inflection in their voice. How well they speak or even from the clothes they wear. You can think that person lives in the Princeton area because they sound "snotty" or those jeans are dirty and ripped - they probably live in one of those run down apartments in Plainsboro. Appearances can be deceiving. The old adage that "you can't judge a book by it's cover is so true. Males and females can give off different vibes. There is a girl in the school I work in; she's a 4th grader, dresses always in pants and has short hair. She doesn't have a "feminine face" - I said to the child something or another on the playground and then said to one of the aides that boy is tall for a 45h grader. She informed me -- it was a girl. Thanks goodness I didn't say anything to the child!
Hi Classmates,
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I'm having one of those silly days or what but Joans post was funny and everyone's response minus Nik's had me peeing in my pants !!! I can hardly contain myself while typing my response~
It's not that I think homosexuals are funny.. it's simply because I can relate to everyone's experience minus Maissa's. As strange as it sounds, I know people who walk around calling people "fruitballs or FB" male or female and regardless of wheter or not it's true, they base it off of their behavior, responses, tone of voice or mannerism. Don't get me wrong, they're not homophobics but they say it because they get a kick out of the word "fruitball or FB". I tell them they're nuts and not to say that when I hear them but they still do. I guess they figure as long as the person doesn't hear them it's okay although it's still not right.
Nik your response was on point and I couldn't agree more people are creatures of habit.